I have no fucking idea what to do with my life.
I think i just want something simple, but then if i did office work i would kill myself.
But I cant' get a job, my dad keeps jumping down my throat about not looking but I have, I put my resume out to everywhere I know of. I am not going to knock on peoples doors, but then I meet all these people and their like, oh I got a job right out, I guess I was in the right place at the right time or something. Or God has a plan. Then I just have to fake smile and nod and walk off. I just feel like, WTF, am I that unqualified for a job? And then I got sick the day before the job fair which pissed me off and I am still sick but atleast I can breath now. But I have been parrinoid and my no self esteem has been kicking in and making me think that I am the worst teacher ever or something, all because the goverment has been pushing for best qualified teachers and things like that. I know alot, and I have been through alot but I dont deal with behavior issues well. And then I think about Mrs. Mairon and Im like, fuck if I could be half of the teacher she is then I would be the best teacher ever. She should get the National Art Teacher award every year.
And now I have looked into doing library school and that would be awsome, but I dont know if I should do public library work or be a school librarian. I love both and public library I would always have a job but school librarian...maybe not so much. And being in my fathers house does not help, its so depressing here. And while I hate what my mom is doing I love being at her. minus the smoking. I think i just miss the freedom of being me, like i was with everyone at school.
I would be happy as hell, working as a teacher or librarian in Virginia and being around karen and well, everyone else is leaving after this year so i guess just karen and jude. lol. Its more fun in virginia and there are alot more of the farms and such, and people are a little less on the god thing. I mean i love being home but I would HAVE to live in new orleans. I feel all creepy looking at any girls in the baton rouge area because i think , ah crap if they knew they would probably wana kill me. And all the guys here look either the same carbon copy variety, or they have a partner. And I would be more comphy going to a club up there than here since its alot safer lol. I think, I dont know how this may work however I hope I can get a job, but after I am done a grad school which should not take long if I take a good bit of classes maybe two or three years, I go to virginia. Depending on what certificate I get for being a librarian, if it is national then I will do it but if not then I will be a public librarian and go back to virginia. I will stay with parents till then, saving money, I miss being far away from parents.